Brothers…and Me

In two weeks I will be meeting a couple of men whom I’ve never met before. Brothers.  My brothers.  It feels strange to even utter the words, really.  “Brothers.”  Growing up there was my sister, J., and often I related to life as an only child, J. being eleven years my senior.  At age 16, after enduring a teenage pregnancy through which I chose to have the baby and adopt out, my dad had a pang of conscience larger than he could bare-at least this is what I imagine.  Watching my heart break, although we never discussed it, I suppose he felt it was time to reveal to me that he, too, hadn’t always followed the path of the straight and straighter still (not that I didn’t know of some stories already).  And, one Saturday morning, when I awoke during a visit at his house, snuggled in my bathrobe, he came to my room, sat on my bed next to me, and told me he had something to say. I have brothers.  Three of them.  Strangers to me in every sense of the word. 

He didn’t tell me their names. He didn’t tell me much of anything.  Knowing that my dad didn’t care to dwell on subjects of an emotional nature, me already processing major internal grief from my present circumstances at such a young age, well, I wasn’t up for more than I was given then.  I cried.  Of course I had questions: why did he leave them?  What about their mom?  Why didn’t he keep in touch?  Why did he stick around to raise me?  Why me?  WHY?  WHY? WHY?  I’ve thought about these siblings here and there, but secrets create a fearful dynamic.  What does one do with hidden knowledge?  Who will it affect, and how,  if I choose to act on it?  I’ve pondered these questions as they pertain to my past and knowing at some point I will have a similar discussion with my own daughter.  Irony at its best.  I decided to let Time steer the course: living through any sort of pain, be it physical, emotional, or mental, one knows that It is indeed the Great Healer, as well as the Great Revealer, God-given, and meant to be utilitilized when no clear path exists.

Here I am…22 years later…and my brothers want to meet me.  They apparently reached out to my dad and started making a trip to see him for one pro-football game, a different team, each year.  They come from various parts of the country: Colorado, Georgia, and Texas to make this happen.  I don’t even know how long this has been going on and only found out by mere happenstance a few years ago when my dad’s secretary told me he was flying to Texas to go to a football game with “his sons”.  Hmmmm.  Really?   My brothers want to meet me.  This year, I’m invited, and it just happened to work out that the game they chose is right here in good ol’ Cali, and Maycee will be visiting her dad on the given weekend.  I felt this was best, that I meet them alone to stick my toes in the water.  My brothers…and me.   The day is drawing closer, and with two decades of wondering and waiting behind me, I’m ready. 

Earlier I read a comment to my last post, “Sunday Afternoon Mish-Mosh and More Metaphors”, from a blogger who said, “You live a very eventful life!”  I chuckled to myself, partly because these days I think my life is fairly tame, and partly because my precious mom has lost wind listenining to me re-count portions of my history, or even a weekend’s worth of activities upon occasion.    I responded to the comment by saying that “Life is short.”  I don’t know what it is about me that takes things head on. I don’t know what compels me to face that fearful dynamic, to follow my heart (even when it leads to broken pieces and swollen eyes), to be willing to open up another hallway door and see where it leads (sometimes dead center, other times left field).  I don’t know…but it comes from deep within, a feeling of not wanting to miss…anything.

So, this will be yet another event. 

Breaking news on October 7th, at 11. 

I promise, I’ll keep you “posted”.

(Pun intended.)

And, Readers, if you’ve experienced anything remotely such as this, please, do tell…and in the meanwhile, be happy and laugh heartily because I do believe: Life is short.

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Author: singleworkingmomswm

I love to write, and I love raising my daughter. The two combined have prompted me to create a blog about being a single working mom. Life's a trip, and I tend to take the windy roads.

42 thoughts on “Brothers…and Me”

  1. What is it that makes you take things head on? A few things come to mind after knowing you simply through your words….determination, courage, faith, Maycee.
    I’m excited and nervous for you Kasey and I will definitely stay tuned!

  2. We have too little time to spend it all sitting and strategizing adventures we might have! It sounds like you’ve got another awesome adventure just ahead. I hope when you do report back, it’s with all smiles and the glow of embracing new connections. ♥

    1. Thank you for reading! This actually was back last year in October. For some reason this post stays “featured” on my blog instead of the current week’s post. But, it was an amazing weekend, and now my brothers and I continue to stay in touch via email and such. Thanks, again, for stopping by!

    1. Thanks so much, TM! There have been times I wondered how to remove having this post “featured” afraid folks would miss the current week’s post, but again and again I receive comments that warm my heart. I figure that means I best leave it alone! Yes, I did write a follow up, located in my October 2011 archives, from October 17th, Brothers and Me, Part 2. There you can find out how it all went! So glad to have you as subscriber!!♥

  3. Well im adding to this too even though it’s an older post it was a wonderful post. I couldn’t even imagine finding out this news especially after what you had gone through already. How wonderful though that your brother’s want to meet you. I hope the future brings a relationship with them.

    1. Oh, I’m so glad you read this, Fraha. It’s my “featured” post on my page and so it still gets quite a bit of traffic and was indeed one of my most emotional posts to date. I have developed a bit of a relationship with my bro’s, mostly via email, but I’m hoping one of them is coming out to my home for Memorial Day to visit!

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  4. Holy amazing story. I can imagine you sitting there, hearing about his transgressions — and then learning you had siblings. What a mixed bag of emotions! I’m off to look for your follow up! I hope it wasn’t disappointing. These kinds of things can shred us up if we let them.

    1. Thanks for reading, Renee! Yes, this was an a pretty overwhelming situation, especially in the beginning, but I’m certainly grateful that over the years that passed I worked through my own “stuff” and was at a point where becoming involved with these men was a positive experience, and letting go of my dad’s secrets was healing.

  5. Life is indeed very short and opportunities such as this need to be explored, after all it is a part of your life that has been unknown to you for so many years, this is a chance to rekindle your kin and to venture forwards positively and with high optimism.

    I think that everything will be alright, and what a wonderful experience awaits you my friend. I wish you very well in this quest for extending your immediate family and the feelings that accompany such an important meeting will surely give you the strength to fulfil your destiny. This is an excellent posting with authenticity.

    Androgoth

    1. Thanks for reading about this journey Androgoth. It actually happened a year ago last October and was quite a wonderful experience. I wrote a follow up piece, as well. I’ve kept in contact with the eldest brother mostly since our intial meeting, and he is terrific!

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      1. This is wonderful news my friend
        and sorry about not checking the
        posting date… Mind you I have in
        a way found out the results of your
        meeting straight away so how cool
        is that? 🙂 Enjoy your evening 🙂

        Androgoth

  6. Wow. I know I’m late… And I see from an above comment that all was well…. But, WOW! What an incredible day that must have been… And good for you for following your heart. 🙂

    1. Thanks for the comment, Currie Rose. You’re never to late to read a blog post! :-) It was an amazing experience, and I’m so grateful for it, even today. Stop by again! 🙂

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  7. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your web site. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog visitors have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

    1. Thank you for the lucky wishes. 🙂 This post is a “featured” post, but it was written a year ago last October. The meeting went well, and I’ve been able to keep in touch with both of them. I totally agree with you about expectations…in recovery we call them pre-meditated resentments! Thanks for reading and commenting! -Kasey

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