Summer continues to be… well…summer. This year. This year we are actually having what I think of as “summer”. I’ve eluded to it already in my last post, and I’ll probably say it outright again because I’m in awe and so appreciative of the way things are…right…now. It feels as if it’s been quite awhile coming, but in reality, comparatively, in the big picture of the world, my struggles have been minor.
I’m having a cup of what is my usual brew on a quiet night set for writing: black tea with milk and honey. Did you know that I hadn’t bought honey in like, well, months? Yes, it’s true. Because I didn’t want to spend the money on even the cheapest bottle in the market. Thanks to Walmart a couple of weeks ago, this changed. I found honey for about $2.59, and darnit, I bought it. Percy is snoring, and Louisy is snuggled up close behind him…they look like railroad tracks in perfect alignment. Maycee is having wild dreams, I’m sure of it, that she will tell me in the morning while she eats her newest favorite breakfast item: turkey bacon.
In my mind I’m swirling with thoughts, and have been, much since the beginning of this season, since perhaps the last day of school when I picked Maycee up at the noon hour to enjoy the rest of the day like “other” kids whose moms come when the bell rings. My mind plays a round record that’s a bit scratched with memories that flicker and fade, in and out, to summers past. Mine as a child and ours: Maycee’s and mine, together. I haven’t enjoyed this season much before as a single mom. The air feels so clean and crisp with a smile on my face as I enjoy it now, like when I used to make mud pies in the side area of my backyard, serving up the tastiest of sloppy dirt and leaf creations to be served on trashcan lids for all who came.
I read one of my favorite blogs today (Silver Fin of Hope), and the post was about having a Zen moment…what that was for the author. I commented that I believed it was “Zen” because she was in the moment itself. Because she was present and recognized it in all its beauty. She contemplated the essence of her being. As I read and related it created a spark within me that I, too, have been experiencing Zen moments. Of course, before writing tonight I had to look up how “Zen” was actually defined. Thank goodness I was pretty spot-on with my ideas (wink)! Here a few to share:
- Watching my daughter skip into the Boys and Girls Club each morning, happy to go there, having a blast with her many friends, learning new games, taking baton twirling class on Fridays, earning stickers and “Hero of the Day”, getting her picture up on the wall of fame. Zen moment: I am proud of how far we’ve come. I am proud of my motherhood. My little girl is joy defined. This feels right.
- Planning mini-vacations like our camping trip, and next up, a visit to Solvang (A Dutch-Inspired town on the Central Coast) next week, one of my most favorite places EVER. Meeting my mom and step-dad, Maycee and me, playing miniature golf on the little putting green outside our hotel room, SHOPPING (yes, I will have some money to spend!), EATING. I love shopping and eating! I love Danish sausage and pastries! I love hotels! Zen moment: Patience has paid off. I’ve been good.
- Finding a horse rescue where we can volunteer. Grooming gentle giants who nuzzle you when you come up to them. Riding horses that were unwanted, unloved. Tall and robust, their eyes so glossy and bright knowing that they are finally safe, and this is their home. Majestic thoroughbreds as sweet as pound puppies who softly take bits of granola bar out of your hand. Powerful. Peaceful. Zen moment: If I could be any animal, I’d be a horse.
- Walking into church last Sunday after a month-long hiatus, and sitting down in the back on a crowded pew. Listening to the pastor tell her story of complete trust and faith in Jesus, how she almost died from illness from the time she was a young child, into her teens, and again in her later years. How it was in those seemingly helpless situations people rallied around her in prayer. Did for her what she could not do for herself, and how she believed. There was nothing else to be done. She did this for me while I stewed and fretted when finances became crunched, as I felt the loss of my old church. Zen moment: I belong in this place-it fits. My breath steadied and quieted all the racket inside.
- Knowing that I have more moments than I can list, truthbetold: the rest may be best stored for now to keep something precious just for me…Totally Zen.
I don’t know how truly enlightened I am yet. I just know that I’m more enlightened than I’ve been. That’s the point, I think, as we become aware. I am more of the woman I want to be moment by moment, and while in these moments, I try to see that and be grateful while allowing my dreams for both Maycee and myself to soar.
A few years ago I wasn’t quite so sure how I was going to do each day, even a day at a time. A few years later, I’ve learned that even with not knowing, it’s best to just keep going.
Readers, sharing my thoughts with you is a blessing. May you see and feel your Zen moments, too. Remember, life is short, so be happy, and give a chuckle. XOXO-SWM