Not Quite Ready

Lately I’ve been evaluating my blog.  I’ve been contemplating the need for it, my need for it, anymore.  Am I done sharing my experiences with others, have I grown and healed enough that writing weekly about what I see, hear, and feel isn’t as essential to staying focused on my progress as a woman, mother, and productive part of the human race?  Would my subscribers really care if Single Working Mom SWM retired into the blogoshpere as a short, sweet, and distant memory?

Yep, I got the horse, now all I have to do is ride off into the sunset…

Then, last week, I celebrated my 39th birthday.  This was a milestone, not because I am now in my last year of being thirtysomething, but because I had said to my mom notsolongago that I just hoped I’d have my life together at least before I turned 40!  Alas, as 39 crept closer, I surmised my fate.  I reflected on allllllll that had happened, especially over the past five years.  And, as I did so, I felt an internal peace, a reward of emotions that settled within me cementing a foundation deep inside that whispered: you did it, and you did it BEFORE you hit 40. My life (for the time-being) is very much together, at least way more together than apart (wink).  Maycee is smart, confident, safe, and content, and her singleworkingmom is, too.

Uh huh, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Truthbetold, we keep growing, don’t we?  At least, shouldn’t we be striving for this instead of relaxing into a stagnant state of “I’m good.  It’s all good.  Just the way it is. No matter what I feel.”  For, as fast as the world spins, as quickly as new inventions are discovered, as much as momentary decisions can alter lifetimes, change is inevitable.  I learned in the beginning of recovery that change is the one thing we can count on, so we better embrace it.  Easier said than done, but I’ve succumbed to the truth in this idea, and it sets me free when I let it.

I felt a sense of peace and tranquility as my dear ol’ birthday rolled around.  My family came up to be with me and Maycee.  A small little “party” of sorts was held and personal, thoughtful gifts were given.  Cards filled the top of my refridgerator.  And, as the week progressed, it seemed as if my birthday continued on and on…more cards, more gifts, messages from distant friends and relatives.  Even my ex-husband gave me a card that said the most touching of sentiments: “You’re a person to be admired and celebrated…and you are….”, which brought me to tears, not that I cry a lot, honestly, truly….no really…I mean it. I was so fulfilled with gratitude my cup runneth over.  How on earth could this be?!

As I brewed some black tea with sugar tonight, winding down after a busy day, I knew I wanted to write.  Often, I have so many thoughts, I become stifled with which one I should actually pursue.  This leads me to believe that I must continue on…that I may have grown and healed a superduper whole bunch, but there’s still so much life to live…and guaranteed, it will continue to be a bit of a roller coaster ride with twists and turns and loop-da-loops.

Case in point: the end of my birthday week was a completely different story from the beginning-possibly Lex Luther’s Drop of Doom, personally speaking. Hmmmm, shall we say where “Holy Crap meets Out of the Blue”?  I guess we shall.  Again, I found myself pondering…

While the reasons behind my writing have evolved, my need to do so has not.  I may not have the highest stats, the most followers, or the consistent posting ability of some, but these were never my intensions upon beginning anyhow.  My intentions were to get out of my head what was stuck inside  lest it blow up AND to connect with others who may need to know they are not alone in the journey of single parenting and beyond.  Just as I knew sitting down with all of you tonight to share this tidbit of experience, strength, and hope whilst I drink my black tea in a homemade “MOM” mug would make me feel better.  And, it has.

No, I’m not quite ready to give up my little corner of the blogosphere.  Contemplation and reflection are a necessary part of being human…but then again…so is chuckling at the feeling your stomach is going to come up through your eyeballs.

Now, go ahead, at my expense….and do just that because LIFE REALLY IS SHORT.

*Thanks, Google, for letting me borrow these images from Magic Mountain.  If I wasn’t such a huge chicken, I swear, I’d actually ride them myself.

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8 responses

    • Awe, thanks, Lisha! Yes, this is indeed a time of paying it forward for me. I feel very blessed and grateful to be where I’m at today. Others, including my own single working mom, have inspired me to keep on keepin’ on…I hope to do the same. Hope you are well! 🙂 XOXO

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  1. I’m so glad you’re not quite ready to go SWM. YOU MUST STAY! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve learned from your words and wisdom. Plus I love to hear what’s happening with you and Maycee. Overcoming our own personal trials & tribulations, becoming stronger, happier, more contented people is our mission and you are several steps ahead, leading the way; lighting the way with your sunny disposition and great attitude which continues to inspires me. Yes, please STAY SWM, some of us our counting on you, being here. And evening though we haven’t corresponded in a while, every time I read your post or get a response to one of mine, I feel connected to you.

    Love & friendship from NY 🙂

    P.S. You got the horse! WooHoo!! Awesome.

    • My dearest Karen! You have been and are such a blessing in my world. Thanks for your encouragement and kind words. Yes, it was interesting timing when I was thinking about my place in the blogging community and if I should be ready to take a rest…but then, as always, God answered in His own way and said, “Nope, think you better hang on to this thing that has helped you so much!” At least, this is what I heard in my heart last week. I do love writing and processing my views, putting them into words, and sharing the journey of life with others such as you, who also use this great tool of expression. I will be sending you an email this week. That is my promise. Need to catch up coast to coast on all things “us”! XOXO-SWM

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