Home

Maycee’s gift to me for Thanksgiving. Created despite her tears.

My mom still lives in the house in which I was raised.  Home.  With the exception of the structure itself, there isn’t any part of it that resembles what it looked like as a child.  Mom has changed the paint, the wallpaper, the furniture, the carpeting, the landscaping, pretty much everything over the years, little by little.   It’s strange to think that as I got older I wasn’t ever really attached to it much…or perhaps I was, but just took its safety and comfort for granted.

Now, as a very grown-up woman who’s traversed the ins and outs of many houses and apartments, I do feel that my mom’s home, my old home, is a place I can go and truly receive respite when I need it.  And, I know that I will have some good ol’ heart-to-hearts with Mom, encouraging me, understanding me, and providing me with that unconditional love we all long for and need.

My little one, on the other hand, has become extremely attached to the Yellow Submarine.  Home.  At some point within each week she exclaims vibrantly, “I love our home, Mommy!  It’s just the best place for us, isn’t it?  We have the best home on the block!”  And, she means it.  She’s been saying this to me since not so long after we moved here over three years ago.  She says it and believes it faithfully.  She also makes a point to tell me how much she loves her room, as well.  Her polka-dotted, bunk-bedded, now kitten-inhabited room.  When she comes home from visiting her dad for a weekend and gets to nestle under her own covers before heading to dreamland she always says, “I love my bed.  It’s so good to be back in my own bed all cozy.”  She giggles with excitement over the sensation.

Home.

Last week Maycee went to stay with my mom for her Thanksgiving break and also to see her dad.  She was off the entire week.  I was off the typical Thursday and Friday.  It didn’t take but a few hours after arriving south that she was in tears missing me.  My mom called to tell me she was so distraught.  My heart sank and swelled at the same time.  We had discussed what to do about the vacation days, and this was Maycee’s choice (the other was the Boys and Girls Club). But, regardless, her being, her core wished it was back home, and while my heart ached for her longing, I was humbled by it, also.

Home.

I made the decision to enjoy Thanksgiving at my mom’s this year, and so, I got to see my little one before she was picked up by her dad for their much-needed visit.  Maycee didn’t want to go with him at first, she wanted to stay with me, asking why we couldn’t leave later that day.  She was so eager to be done with vacationing.  Plans were set, however, and so we cherished the couple of hours we had before yet another separation.  We ate some yummy turkey, had a few laughs around the table, and later I even took a nap (respite).  Finally, on Saturday, I was able to pick her up and bring her back…

…home.

It is true that “Home is where your heart is.”  I know this because my heart has been in many different places over the course of the past two decades, and none of them was attached to a particular square footage of space.   But, it is also sweet and comforting to know that this place, this Yellow Submarine, is Maycee’s home, and that her heart is vested here, along with everything else that reminds us of each other.  Of our little life.  And, now, for as long as I can possibly swing it, we will stay here and continue to create memories upon memories.

Perhaps some day this will be where Maycee returns to find respite when she is older, to eat turkey with family, and to take a nap.  The outside may be a little more spruced up.  The inside may reflect the changes of modern times.  But the essence, as well as her mom, will be the same.

Home.

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Author: singleworkingmomswm

I love to write, and I love raising my daughter. The two combined have prompted me to create a blog about being a single working mom. Life's a trip, and I tend to take the windy roads.

7 thoughts on “Home”

    1. What El said. Until I read this, I don’t think I’d ever thought about the home we’re building for Li’l D. I’ve thought about the sense of home I correlated with my mom and the house we’d lived in since I was almost six, and savored that feeling, but never once thought about Li’l D’s sense of home. As I do, I wonder where he’ll find it. Since we live in an apartment, will he tie it to items within the apartment? Us? Or when we finally do find the stability to invest in a house, will it be whatever that first house is? I don’t know the answers, but even imagining them is a gift.

      I can’t wait to meet you guys in a couple of weeks, even though it feels like we’ve already met a hundred times over. Home’s in a lot of things, eh?

      1. I often think about military families and how it seems like they are so close-knit…how they stay together as families moving from place to place, and it reinforces the addage of home being where the heart lies. That “home” is a refuge. Many people feel a sense of home in a church or in a recovery meeting…I have a sense of home at my work. I don’t think ultimately it matters the dwelling space…Maycee and I have lived in four different places since she was born…but it is comforting that we are established now, and we have both hung our hats to stay. I just love that…it’s been an important step in my life to make this happen.

        I cannot wait for December 18th! I cannot wait! I plan to call you soon to hear your voice and firm up the meeting spot. I know Maycee and I will want to be at the gate upon opening. It is all going to be so exciting!!!!!! Lots of hugs. XOXO-Kasey

    2. Thanks so much! You know, El, I’ve been wanting to write about Maycee’s attachment to our place for quite awhile, but I found it almost overwhelming. It feels to me like the result of a lot of turmoil that we went through before finally landing on this deck, you know? Bittersweet to reflect upon it, I guess. But, I also find her devotion so deeply moving, and I love her for it. 🙂 And, I meant to post a pictures of our newest family additions…two little kitties! Will do that soon. Love ya!

      1. Love you both! And that devotion to home is one of the many things that makes us so human, in all its messy glory. Remember Ulysses? Man, he traveled all over the freakin place, but all he wanted was to get back home!

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