One Big Resolution for 2013

RES·O·LU·TION

A firm decision to do or not to do something.

On New Year’s Day I had coffee with a friend.  We talked about a variety of subjects and eventually touched on what we want for this new year.  I told him that, for me, this year is not about making a list of goals or setting my sights on something I want to buy or achieve with any certifiable results.  This year I’m going to focus on what I don’t want for myself, what I won’t accept anymore, and I’m totally and officially done with allowing to happen.  I made one big resolution for 2013:

I WILL NOT BE NUMBER TWO…NUMBER THREE…NUMBER FOUR….(you get my drift)…when it comes to relationships, romantic or otherwise.

New Year’s Eve I was invited to dinner by a male friend (supposedly…not supposedly male, but supposedly a friend), and an hour before that dinner was going to happen, I was promptly dumped for an apparently better offer.  After hanging up the phone in dismay and disgust, I found myself sobbing hysterically, walking down the hallway, Vonda Shepherd singing the lyrics to “Alone Again, Naturally” in my head.  And, the chorus rang out:

It seems to me that there are more hearts broken in the world that can’t be mended, left unattended.  What do we do? What do we do?!

And, to make matters worse, Maycee’s dad called me up to discuss the pickup arrangement on New Year’s Day, and when he heard the sound in my voice he asked, “Are you okay?  Are you doing something fun tonight?”  I briefly and between sniffles explained the circumstances, and then with as much empathy as he could muster (sarcasm, folks) he says, “Wow…this seems to happen to you often, doesn’t it?” Chuckling…Okay…you know I enjoy a good chuckle, right?  However, dude-so not the right time to be CHUCKLING.  Even if it’s true that this has happened to me before this is not the time to CHUCKLE.

What do we do?  What do we do?!

Well, after using a half of a box of Kleenex and wishing I had decided to spend the extra money to drive south and be with my BFF on New Year’s instead of staying home, I decided to give Vonda a piece of my mind.  I made a decision.  I made a resolution.

ONE BIG RESOLUTION.

Let me say it again:

I WILL NOT BE NUMBER TWO…NUMBER THREE…NUMBER FOUR….(you get my drift)…when it comes to relationships, romantic or otherwise.

So, I wiped my face, grabbed my keys, and went to Walmart where only the pathetic and lonely go on New Year’s Eve and checked out a Red Box movie.  Not a chick flick…nope…a regular old boring Clint Eastwood baseball movie.  I didn’t need the extra drama, and I was out of Kleenex anyways.  After hanging in the coolest place in town for a half-hour I had a lightbulb moment: instead of feeding the angry thoughts in my mind on the male species and how rotten certain of them can be I would try to find a cold, hungry person on the street to actually feed, with food.  It was a BRILLIANT thought!  I certainly know how to get out of “self”.  Yes!  Forget “Alone Again, Naturally”.

However, 39 degree temps had all of the cold, hungry people in shelters because as I drove around every dark corner I could think of…not one was to be found.  BRILLIANT, indeed.  I couldn’t find one person to bring a warm meal to. My do-gooder nature was foiled…and in creeped Vonda’s melody as I finally pointed my car in the direction of Burrito Loco to buy a single, fattening bean and cheese burrito with chips and salsa and a Diet Coke…for myself.  I suppose I was happy the homeless of the Central Coast were warm and safe, and I was satisfied that I soon would be, as well, in the comfort of the Yellow Submarine.

By the time I took off my jacket, grabbed the napkins and TV tray, and plugged in the boring ol’ Clint Eastwood movie, the doggies were at my heels, and the kitties were playing chase in the living room.  I realized I was okay, emotionally, and I think I may have even smiled as my behind sank into the couch to retire for the evening.  I had no interest in watching New York’s Time Square…no need to see people partying, hugging, kissing, and enjoying the excitement.  Instead I proceeded to count my blessings and savor the tummy-pleasing comfort food hitting my belly.

At 7:45 the phone rang.   Another friend, this time calling to wish me a Happy New Year and to see what I was doing.  Had I been out, I would’ve missed his call, and I would’ve been bummed.  We talked for over an hour and got caught up on all that had been going on in our lives for the past couple of weeks. We made plans to have coffee in the morning and take a walk to ring in the New Year.  I hung up from the call, and I swear I felt God winking at me.  I’m not always thrilled with His sense of humor, but this night, by this time, I was.  Vonda?  Well, she got tired, I guess, and decided to let me watch my movie and eat my burrito in peace. I lasted until 11:30, got in my pj’s, and turned off the light figuring it was close enough to midnight to count.

I’ve lost weight, I’ve managed my finances well, I’ve survived some trying health issues, and Maycee, well, she’s blossoming into the most precious of flowers more and more each day.  So, it’s with confidence I face this 2013 resolution to make sure I no longer settle for being second best when it comes to my own heart.  If I find myself saying….”Oh, it’s okay.  No worries.  I’ll be fine.  Do what you gotta do.  It doesn’t bother me.  No, really, go ahead.  You’re sorry?  Ya, I understand.”…it will be my cue to take a step back (or to run fiercely in the other direction).

I WILL NOT BE NUMBER TWO…NUMBER THREE…NUMBER FOUR….(you get my drift)…when it comes to relationships, romantic or otherwise.

What do we do?  What do we do?

We mend and walk away…alone again, naturally…and then we move forward in strength and in love.  I’ve made a lot of progress over the past several years in many areas. This one still needs quite a bit of work.  2013: One big resolution.  I’m ready. 

The beginning of a new year is a great time to make the firm decision to do or not to do something.  After all, life is short.  I wish each of you, Readers,  much happiness and appropriate chuckling moments over these next twelve months, and may you know that you are all NUMBER ONE in my book!

Love and hugs. XOXO-SWM

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13 responses

  1. You had me at….”This year I’m going to focus on what I don’t want for myself,” What a great way to approach the new year! I hear you friend about where we are placed and where we all deserve to be. Thank God for our strength and training….things pass, we get to the other side and He always gives us what we need. Thanks for words I needed to hear Friend. xoxox NY

  2. My behind is to old and to big to stuff into one of those little cheerleader skirts, however – yah you!!

    This is absolutely the best thing I have read in days! You should step forward into the new year with just this and demand only this. You deserve to be number 1.

    Hugs

    Val

  3. I read this a few days ago, but I didn’t get to replying as soon thereafter as I intended to! I’m sorry for the unexpected turn your NYE took (and halfway wishing I could share some thoughts with the misguided guy behind that), but not sorry at all for the good turns that led to. I hope your year is wonderful, and includes at least one trip to Disneyland as well as one visit from Angelenos. ♥

    • Gee, thanks, Deb! Yes, I will be planning a new trip your way and to visit the Magical Kingdom as soon as I get through this month. Maycee just celebrated her 9th birthday last Saturday, so I want to have the next few weeks to decompress from all the holidays and birthday. Then, it will be gettin’ on the books, as I can’t wait to get a hug from my favorite Angelino! XOXO

      >________________________________

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  5. Yes, you should always be number one, not only for others but for yourself. You were born to have a beautiful life and it is important that you don’t let anybody take that away from you. Life is simple, people make it complicated. Yes, number one is a good number for you 🙂 I think it’s a good start for 2013, keep it up 🙂 xox

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