Sitting Outside in the Sun

Enjoying the sunshine!

Enjoying the sunshine!

For over three weeks now I haven’t slept through one full night.  Maycee was sick with the flu the first week, and then, somehow, as she wasn’t getting better, the flu transitioned into full-blown childhood anxiety.  Maycee has had periods of anxiety before…from toddlerhood until now.  She’s acted out physically from picking at the skin on her fingertips until they bleed, to pulling out her hair, to tantrums that would last upwards of 30-45 minutes and leave us both totally wiped out.  I hadn’t written about these things because since I began my blog almost two years ago, the behaviors had subsided so greatly, they were nearly non-existent. But, this anxiety this is different as it’s affecting her sleep, affecting her mood, affecting her weight, affecting how she’s getting along in school, and affecting our day-to-day life. 

Anxiety disorders affect one in eight children. Research shows that untreated children with anxiety disorders are at higher risk to perform poorly in school, miss out on important social experiences, and engage in substance abuse.*

I feel very helpless at times.

But, as a single mom, as the person she turns to and needs the most in any situation, I cannot sit in that feeling for very long.  I have to suit up and show up, armored from head to toe,  and prove that I’m as strong as steel and can handle any amount of worry thrown at me.  I can and will handle it, and I need to tread gently as Maycee filters through her feelings, providing her a safe and secure environment to share.  Worries: Can’t breath, stomach flu, eating the wrong things, missing out on fun stuff, burglars coming into our house, kidnapping, shootings, theft, wars, dying.  Heavy for a nine-year old. And, I haven’t even mentioned the tantrums that have, at times, been mixed in with the crying and depression.  Nine-year old tantrums are completely different from 4-year-old tantrums, more dramatic, louder, and intense.

Last Thursday I posted the picture above.  I came to work in my sleep-deprived and overwhelmed state, frazzled from a long night, trying to focus the best I could on what needed to get done for the next 8 hours.  I walked outside to pick up the mail, and as I entered the clean, crisp air, I felt the warmth of the sunrays on my back. Then I looked up at the sky and felt them on my face.  It was as if Jesus, Himself, was giving me a warm hug.  Right then I decided that instead of eating my lunch at my desk, half-working, half-resting, I would take my lunch break sitting outside in the sun.

A day at the ranch is always good for the body and mind.


We are already doing a lot of proactive things to help this problem go away for Maycee. The school’s principal has been amazing checking in with her regularly and allowing her to visit him when she’s having a panic attack.  I’ve done a lot of on-line research to find cognitive techniques to help Maycee with her fears, the breathing difficulty in particular.  We had a terrific doctor’s visit last week so she knows that physically she is perfect (except she needs to gain some weight), and the doctor gave her great advice and tips, as well, for handling her worries.  Today I’ll be meeting with a psychologist, first for myself, and then if need be, for Maycee, to gain better perspective on how to deal with all of this.

This, too, shall pass.  And, as it does, I know there are many lessons to be learned and growing to be done.  Acceptance, patience, tolerance, and most of all LOVE must rule in and through and around me as I help my daughter cope with all that is burdening her little, heavy heart.

I’m grateful we live in a sunny and beautiful place.  I’m grateful I can write about this here in a safe forum where many of you understand and have been there.  I’m grateful I believe in God.  I’m grateful.

I may not be writing as much in the days to come, Readers, but you are with me.  And, as I seek guidance and gain rest, I’ll be back.  Promise.

Kasey on Hi C

I’m taking anxiety by the reigns…

Life is short. We must take it by the reigns and gallop with it.  Be happy, and give a chuckle on my behalf.  Thanks!





9 responses

  1. I feel her pain and your pain. Anxiety can be so debilitating. I suffer from anxiety and so do both kids, so I see it from sides. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re a great mom and that’s what she needs more than anything!! I’ll pray for you both too 🙂

  2. “I have to suit up and show up, armored from head to toe, and prove that I’m as strong as steel and can handle any amount of worry thrown at me.” God sure gave Maycee the right mama when he chose you for her. Sending peaceful, happy, healing thoughts to both your hearts from NY. xoxox

    P.S. LOVE the rays, raining down on your reigns!

  3. Do you have any idea how amazing you are? Have you taken a moment to give yourself the credit you should for the being such a great mom? I hope so, but I also know how hard it is to think we are doing the right things when our child hurts, or we are sleep deprived from worry, or it’s any given day and we can’t fix the things that seem broken in our worlds. I’m so glad you shared our story here (writing is so cathartic, isn’t it?) and that you are getting help for you–and Maycee, if needed–but mostly for you. I think that, as moms, we forget ourselves in the equation far too often. And, single moms, in particular are carrying loads that can bury them if they bear them all alone, especially when the seas get rough. I’ll be thinking of you both and saying prayers. Always remember, you are not alone, ever! xoxo

    • Gosh, thank you, TM for your kind words and encouragement. This is such a tough thing to be experiencing right now. Maycee is in therapy once a week now, and she will begin seeing the school counselor on Fridays also. She is doing her schoolwork in the office for the mostpart this week and checking in with her classroom to get the work. She’s very sick in the mornings and can’t eat her breakfast but settles down once at school and with the principal. I’m praying for her healing, and once she is showing more progress, then I will try to seek some therapy for myself. Yes, I love writing. Can’t imagine my life without it. Lots of hugs! XOXO


  4. Pingback: Happy Anniversary | survivingthemadhouse

Now I'd love to hear from you...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s