Another 15 Minutes

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Since my last post about my daughter experiencing Anxiety Disorder at age 9, it feels as if I’ve lived a full 2 months in only 2 weeks. Life has been a whirlwind, to say the least, of Internet research, doctors, therapists, school administration, phone calls, emails, and text messages all in the effort to help Maycee work through her worries one day, one minute, one second at a time. Last week, I lived in my own anxiety and fear as getting through the school day became a near impossibility for my child. The stress of missing work and watching her suffer, cry, and panic felt almost unbearable at times.

After all, we have been settled here in the Yellow Submarine for almost 4 years. Maycee has been doing well in her new school for almost 2 years and is top of her class. There’s been little to ruffle our feathers, as I’ve dedicated my time to keeping everything pretty simple. And, while Maycee has certainly been finding her way as she’s growing up, like typical school-aged children do, I thought we’d overcome many of the bigger battles years ago when life was much more tumultuous.

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Don’t get comfortable. I get it (wink). The world is an evolving mechanism filled with ups and downs, twists and turns around every corner, and Jack-In-the Boxes waiting to surprise us. There is no period of time that stays the same. Change is the one thing we can count on…always….and expectation only brings us the possibility of disappointment. It’s much better to live in the moment. So, here we are. Maycee is suffering from Anxiety Disorder as a third-grader, and I can ask, “Why her….why me….why us…why now?” Or, I can ask, “Okay…what is the next indicated thing I need to be doing to make this better?” Then, do it.

This week I’m not in the same fear I was last week. Just one group of 7 days later I’ve learned enough to know that Maycee will be okay. I’ve studied a lot already that is helping me cope as her mom to aid in dealing with her worries. I’ve listened to my own meditation CD (from the therapist) over and over again, and it is helping me to stay calm through the storm and to be the rock that is steady as the waters in Maycee’s mind move in and out with the tides. I don’t rest on my laurels. I keep trying new things and being willing to do whatever it takes.

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Over the past 4 days Maycee has thrown multiple tantrums ranging from a 3-hour panic attack Sunday night that lasted until 12:00AM to begging and pleading with me to keep her home from school every day because she’s hyperventilating and feeling nauseous at the thought of going on campus. But, this week, I’m operating with a different perspective. I’m feeling strong as steel, calm as the clear, blue California sky, and through the tantrums and anxiety I’m steadfastly holding my ground. I’ve been told she needs to work through the worries….do not give in. She needs to be the one to do it. I cannot do it for her.

Each night this week we’ve gotten closer to her normal bedtime: another 15 minutes earlier than the night before. Each morning the tantrums have been a bit less: another 15 minutes closer to making it to school on time. Each day we are both learning about boundaries, about what is real and what is not, about what we can handle and how much, and how vital it is to focus on the positive at all times. AT ALL TIMES. Another 15 minutes longer in class. Another 15 minutes of laughter. Another 15 minutes of peace.

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I just wanted to check in with you, Readers.

Maycee began regular weekly therapy this past Monday and will begin seeing the school counselor on Fridays. The principal has been my go-to person, waiting for us in the office and settling Maycee down after I leave, encouraging her, and because of him I haven’t missed one day of work this week. The teachers and after care personnel have shown us nothing but support. My church is stepping up to help cover the cost of the therapy sessions for 6 weeks until my medical plan reimbursements are approved. Mom sent me a card with a little extra money to help cover the hours I’ve missed at work. Our horse trainer came over to spend time with Maycee “just to talk” and give her a hug. I had an afternoon out with a girlfriend this past Saturday (while Maycee’s dad came up for a visit) to rejuvenate and recharge via the beautiful Central Coast seaside and a cappuccino. My boss tells me don’t worry about my job, family comes first. Prayers abound.

Love is flowing in every nook and cranny, even across the entire country and beyond.

I’m blessed. I’m blessed. I’m blessed.

Recognize it. Reach out. Do the next indicated thing. Never give up. Focus on the positive. REPEAT.

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Many hugs, love and good vibrations going out to each one of you. Remember: life is short, so be happy every given moment you can.
XOXO-SWM

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14 responses

  1. You are a great mom. I’ve struggled with intense anxiety and panic attacks my whole life, even as young as Maycee. My stomach would get so upset that they thought I had GI issues. I was the poster child for Mylanta at 10. 😦

    As a 20 something, I am finally working these things out. I give you and Maycee a big Virtual hug and just listen to her like you have been. Feeling alone in this is the worst place to be, but with her mom cheering her on, she will be ok.

    • Thank you for commenting, Sarah. I really appreciate it. I am my daughter’s biggest cheerleader for sure. She doesn’t always see that right now, but I know she feels it. I’m glad, too, that you are working things out for yourself, as well. Thanks, again, for reading my blog! XOXO-SWM

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    • Thank you, Valentine! I feel your hug through the Internet waves, so don’t worry. :-) We are working through this one day at a time, and this week will be another challenge as Maycee has to push herself to stay in class for most of the day. But, after a very nice weekend with a lot of positive moments, I feel hopeful that tomorrow will go well! Much love and gratitude for you. XOXO

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  2. God bless you my friend & God bless Maycee. Please know that prayers and thoughts and good vibes are being sent your way from this nook & cranny of the country too. With love and admiration for your continued strength & perseverance, xoxox Karen

  3. You really are amazing!! And it sounds like you’ve been blessed with a loving and supportive community.

    Keep up the good work, Maycee. I know it’s hard, honey, but you can do it!! I believe in you.

    Big hugs to you both!
    Holly

    • Thanks, Holly! Home from school today…bit of a setback, but it will pass, I’m sure. Tough times. We all have them, so we have to keep pushing through. I’ll pass on your encouragement to my kiddo. 🙂 XOXO

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