I’m going to admit something here….something I don’t really want to admit….something I wish I didn’t feel….and, sometimes don’t when I’m too busy to think about it…which is most of the time. But, with Maycee going to her dad’s for Christmas this year (his turn), and me spending it alone visiting family, unfortunately the “feelings” have been lingering more often. So, here it is. The Great SWM Confessional. Sister Mary plug your ears and cross your heart.
I wish a really nice guy would fall in love with me, and STAY in love with me. This is the important part: STAY. Not fall in love and gush and be over-the-top with it, telling me I’m the best thing since TV remotes and Fritos and then disappear into the football-laden television screen background only to remain friends on Facebook. Stick. Around. For good. A wonderful human being who would give anything to adopt a single mom and her daughter. To make a family and build something.
Like the one we saw at the Christmas tree farm a couple of weeks ago laughing together, the hubby saying, “You want me to get that, babe?” And, the woman replying, “Oh, sure, sweetie. That’d be great if you could take the girls to the teeter-totter”. I smiled on the outside, but part of me wanted to barf on the inside, the other part of me wanted to cry, and the last little bit of me said, “Huh, you don’t need that. You’re fine on your own. Hmph! ” Total denial.
Maycee and I both watched this family….and I know she was feeling exactly the same as I was (not the barfing part)…how could she not? But, then, in true SWM fashion, I quickly said, “Let’s go see if they’ll help you teeter-totter, also!” Since I couldn’t do it with her, myself, lest she be flung off the end as soon as she hit the air. And, instead of BEING part of a family….I used a family. It worked, they were all fabulous, adorned in their Abercrombie and Fitchness, and Maycee had a great time going up and down–their daughters on one side, and mine on the other.
There, I said it. It’s done. Ugh…it was tough, darnit! I’m SWM! I’m fine doing everything alone! Fine, fine, fine!!!!!!! Right?
Maycee asked me what I was going to ask Santa Claus for for Christmas. She said, “You should ask him for a dishwasher. You really need a dishwasher!” Such a true statement, and very practical.
And, I said, “I think I’m going to ask him for a super rich man.” Although, honestly, I don’t care a pebble’s throw about riches or large sums of money…but if I’m going to ask Santa, I can stipulate, right? Then, I changed my mind thinking about what a truly rich man might be like, or expect, or what he might miss that I need (like humility), and I decided to ask Santa for $20,000 AND a warm, loving man to show up under the tree. That would cover the dishwasher and every other “fix-it” problem I have at home, and leave room for a terrificly super duper guy, regardless of the dollar signs. Of course, we laughed at the sentiment, and Maycee said she pictured a guy with a cape under our tree that said, “Super Rich”. Like, wow, Rich is so super; he’s a terrific dude!
Hmmmm, I’d be happy with that.
We haven’t see Santa Claus yet, so I still have time to modify my gift requests. Maybe I will just go for the dishwasher. I do need one. Mine is rusted and falling apart….not to mention it doesn’t work, but then again, my hands do. I’m so behind on everything that we’ll probably do a drive by, jump on Santa’s lap, ask for our hearts’ desires, grab our free candy canes, and say, “Ho, ho, ho….have to go! Thanks a million, Saint Nick!”
So, there you have it, Readers. My dirty little secret revealed to the blogosphere. I will say that I have stuck to my New Year’s Resolution of 2013, and I haven’t settled for second string. This is good news…the rest…well, only more will be revealed when it’s time, and all I can say is, “Come on…hurry up!” (Wink, wink, chuckle, chuckle.)
‘Tis the season, so put on your elf shoes, do a jig, and purge your soul a little–like me. Christmas is coming, ready or not!