Are you happily married or happily joined at the hip with someone you love? Yes? Pleeeeeeeeease count your blessings-all of them-with regard to that fact. Heck, I know you already are because I’m sure you have friends, like me, who are unattached and dealing with the drudgery of techi-dating. Add to that being a single mom, and you’ve got, well, a wholelotta complicated.
I haven’t talked much about it on here, but I have done my due diligence trying the on-line dating scene over the past few years. And, let me tell you since I AM talking about it now: it IS a SCENE! One step below meeting a guy sitting on a bar stool (and I don’t meet guys this way because I don’t drink or do bars), this on-line world of flirts and messaging is grueling. I’ve sworn it off a bajillion times and been just fine….and then I see some cutesy- wutesy couple holding hands or a sweet little family playing at the park and I think to myself: Kasey, you never know. Just give it ONE MORE TRY.
The first stint ended in 2010 after, um, 3 days. I met someone instantly and enjoyed fun experiences with a happy-go-lucky man for a couple of years, mostly going out when my daughter was away for her weekends with her dad. Eventually I recognized that I was a stepping stone to his mid-life crisis, and in the end I was still single.
The second stint ended just this past year after, um, a few days on-line, meeting someone, going off-line for few months, then back on, then back off. I had a couple of “wow” moments with this fellow I met, but alas, he couldn’t make up his mind (thus the on/off switch) with regard to anything anywhere, and in the end I was still single.
In the interim there have been multiple inappropriately forward messages sent by men I perceive to be total losers and “flirts” that come from nowhere and go nowhere. There are the guys who write just enough to convince you to give them your number and even meet for dinner, but ultimately they are looking for only one thing. I’ll let you surmise that ONE THING. Even after you tell them you are not interested in doing that ONE THING, that you are single mom, that you don’t have time for games or wishy-washiness. That you’d like to build a friendship first. These men still consider that ONE THING an option. Really? What language am I speaking???
Can anyone answer me, “Where did all the flowers go?” Even further, “Why do I seem to attract mostly weeds?”
I’ve seen they exist. Beautiful flowers. I know couples who have blessed relationships. I have good friends and family with sweet husbands, decent men, who love their wives and children and provide for them and take care of them. I see it with my own eyes!
When I was super sick a couple of weeks ago I was tired of watching TV, Maycee was visiting my mom down south for her spring break, and I decided to go to Wal-Mart to get a couple of things I desperately needed. Like always when I go to Wal-Mart (which is why I DON’T go to Wal-Mart hardly ever) I walked past a display that caught my attention. It had books on it, and one of the books was called “Heaven is For Real”. I read the excerpt on the back and was hooked. A book about a real boy’s account of heaven? I’m in.
It took me only a matter of days to finish the entire printing, including the interviews at the back about making it into a movie. What I gained from the book was so much more than I imagined. It was more than just re-affirming my belief in heaven, that Jesus is there, that we will see loved ones and loved pets again and there will be no more pain. In the book the father (who wrote the book) talked about praying like children. He talked about how his son prayed….not with poetic fluency and selfless requests (although there are places for both of those) that sound proper…but, with blunt admissions and specific “Here I am, and here is what I want, Jesus! ” longings.
I pondered this. And, then I thought to myself, “Kasey, why NOT you? Why NOT you to find a decent, sweet man to accompany you in this life? Why NOT pray for yourself? Kids do it all the time, and Jesus teaches us to have faith like children.”
So, I prayed. And, I asked my pastor to pray for me, also. My personal prayer warrior whom I trust.
Yesterday I went on a lunch date with a nice gentleman. I don’t know what it will be beyond that. I don’t know if this man is “the one”, a beautiful flower that is going to grow along with me and my daughter or allow petals to be plucked and sent into the wind. But, there were no inappropriate innuendos, no being stood up, no awkward silences, no apparent bologna, and he even paid for our food. I stated that I wanted to make a friend and see where that might lead, and he showed up anyway. How about that?
At 40 heading into 41 I’ve often accepted that I may just live out my later years alone on a ranch with chickens, goats, a big cow named Betty, and of course a couple of horses. Maycee will come visit me, her crazy mom who lives on a farm, and we’ll ride together a couple of afternoons a week, each time ending with her saying, “Bye, Mom! See ya later! Love you!” as she heads back to her college buddies. And, I’m totally okay with that as a possibility.
But, after praying, I’m also okay with the possibility of another scenario that started with a lunch date…or whatever else may come along.
The on-line dating world is not for the faint of heart, and I don’t recommend it if you don’t have to go there. If you have a good fish, keep him; don’t throw him back in the ocean! However, in all things singleworkingmom, I learn, I grow, and I will survive.
Cheers to a wonderful weekend for you all! And, remember, when you get an on-line “flirt” from a guy with a cigar hanging out of his mouth, missing a t-shirt, holding a deer-head in one hand and beer in the other saying, “A dozen roses for you” simply stop and give a chuckle. 😉