A Lunch Date

Are you happily married or happily joined at the hip with someone you love?  Yes?  Pleeeeeeeeease count your blessings-all of them-with regard to that fact.  Heck, I know you already are because I’m sure you have friends, like me, who are unattached and dealing with the drudgery of techi-dating.  Add to that being a single mom, and you’ve got, well, a wholelotta complicated.

I haven’t talked much about it on here, but I have done my due diligence trying the on-line dating scene over the past few years.  And, let me tell you since I AM talking about it now: it IS a SCENE!  One step below meeting  a guy sitting on a bar stool (and I don’t meet guys this way because I don’t drink or do bars), this on-line world of flirts and messaging is grueling.  I’ve sworn it off a bajillion times and been just fine….and then I see some cutesy- wutesy couple holding hands or a sweet little family playing at the park and I think to myself: Kasey, you never know.  Just give it ONE MORE TRY.

The first stint ended in 2010 after, um, 3 days.  I met someone instantly and enjoyed fun experiences with a happy-go-lucky man for a couple of years, mostly going out when my daughter was away for her weekends with her dad.  Eventually I recognized that I was a stepping stone to his mid-life crisis, and in the end I was still single.

The second stint ended just this past year after, um,  a few days on-line, meeting someone, going off-line for few months, then back on, then back off.  I had a couple of “wow” moments with this fellow I met, but alas, he couldn’t make up his mind (thus the on/off switch) with regard to anything anywhere, and in the end I was still single.

In the interim there have been multiple inappropriately forward messages sent by men I perceive to be total losers and “flirts” that come from nowhere and go nowhere.  There are the guys who write just enough to convince you to give them your number and even meet for dinner, but ultimately they are looking for only one thing.  I’ll let you surmise that ONE THING.  Even after you tell them you are not interested in doing that ONE THING, that you are single mom, that you don’t have time for games or wishy-washiness.  That you’d like to build a friendship first.  These men still consider that ONE THING an option.  Really? What language am I speaking???

Can anyone answer me, “Where did all the flowers go?”  Even further, “Why do I seem to attract mostly weeds?”

I’ve seen they exist.  Beautiful flowers.   I know couples who have blessed relationships.  I have good friends and family with sweet husbands, decent men, who love their wives and children and provide for them and take care of them.  I see it with my own eyes!

When I was super sick a couple of weeks ago I was tired of watching TV, Maycee was visiting my mom down south for her spring break, and I decided to go to Wal-Mart to get a couple of things I desperately needed.  Like always when I go to Wal-Mart (which is why I DON’T go to Wal-Mart hardly ever) I walked past a display that caught my attention.  It had books on it, and one of the books was called “Heaven is For Real”.  I read the excerpt on the back and was hooked.  A book about a real boy’s account of heaven?  I’m in.

It took me only a matter of days to finish the entire printing, including the interviews at the back about making it into a movie.  What I gained from the book was so much more than I imagined.  It was more than just re-affirming my belief in heaven, that Jesus is there, that we will see loved ones and loved pets again and there will be no more pain.  In the book the father (who wrote the book) talked about praying like children.  He talked about how his son prayed….not with poetic fluency and selfless requests (although there are places for both of those) that sound proper…but, with blunt admissions and specific “Here I am, and here is what I want, Jesus! ”  longings.

I pondered this.  And, then I thought to myself, “Kasey, why NOT you? Why NOT you to find a decent, sweet man to accompany you in this life?  Why NOT pray for yourself?  Kids do it all the time, and Jesus teaches us to have faith like children.”

So, I prayed.  And, I asked my pastor to pray for me, also.  My personal prayer warrior whom I trust.

Yesterday I went on a lunch date with a nice gentleman.   I don’t know what it will be beyond that.  I don’t know if this man is “the one”, a beautiful flower that is going to grow along with me and my daughter or allow petals to be plucked and sent into the wind.  But, there were no inappropriate innuendos, no being stood up, no awkward silences, no apparent bologna, and he even paid for our food.  I stated that I wanted to make a friend and see where that might lead, and he showed up anyway.  How about that?

At 40 heading into 41 I’ve often accepted that I may just live out my later years alone on a ranch with chickens, goats, a big cow named Betty, and of course a couple of horses.  Maycee will come visit me, her crazy mom who lives on a farm, and we’ll ride together a couple of afternoons a week, each time ending with her saying, “Bye, Mom!  See ya later! Love you!” as she heads back to her college buddies.  And, I’m totally okay with that as a possibility.

But, after praying, I’m also okay with the possibility of another scenario that started with a lunch date…or whatever else may come along.

The on-line dating world is not for the faint of heart, and I don’t recommend it if you don’t have to go there.   If you have a good fish, keep him; don’t throw him back in the ocean!  However, in all things singleworkingmom, I learn, I grow, and I will survive.

Cheers to a wonderful weekend for you all!  And, remember, when you get an on-line “flirt” from a guy with a cigar hanging out of his mouth, missing a t-shirt, holding a deer-head in one hand and beer in the other saying, “A dozen roses for you” simply stop and give a chuckle. 😉

XOXO,

SWM

 

 

 

 

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21 responses

  1. SWM, I am so impressed you are out there, trying that stuff out! I am also an SWM and yet I have never tried the online dating. Something about the computer element, I dunno, it feels like work. But hey, it works for lots of people – works good. Gives you a way to weed out the weeds and focus on the gems. Shucks, I should give it a try…

    • Ha, ha…it is a lot of work! But, the beauty is when you get tired of it, you just stop, take a break, and learn more about yourself while doing so. You should give it a try, and if it’s not for you, then you haven’t lost a thing (except 20-30 dollars, lol). Thanks for reading and commenting! XOXO-Kasey

  2. You will be my hero in this. I have more than a decade on you, I don’t think I will venture there. Right now? I don’t think I will venture anywhere. Today, someone, a complete stranger said horrifying things to me, accused me of terrible acts and let me know I was both fat and ugly. I thought, well that put me in my place. It won’t stop me from exploring other creative sides, but it certainly put me in my place.

    I think you are wonderful, for staying open to love, for asking for what you want, for staying true to what you need and not settling. Some day, you and I will sit down and have coffee, I can’t wait to simply be able to give you a hug. In the meantime ❤

    • Oh, Valentine, that is terrible! What on earth would stranger have to say that is valid anyhow, right?! Pishaw on him/her whoever it was! Yes, I didn’t even think about trying the on line thing for over a year after divorcing, and then, it seemed lucky that I met a decent man immediately. Although it didn’t last, we had many fun times together, and he WAS a good guy-just not my guy. 🙂 I open and close my doors to romantic love, but I think that the progress in me is that I am ME with or without the glimpses of it. After reading that book and thinking about prayer more in depth, I just came into a better place. A place of acceptance for where I am but knowing what I’d also love to have one day. I can’t wait to give you a hug, too. You are beautiful. You are my friend, and through these roads we will travel together! XOXO-Kasey

      • Oh, wow! I haven’t read it yet, myself, but that is awful. It always bothers me when folks are rude in the comments. I used to read a blog that was bothering me the more I read it. Instead of venting to the blogger, I simply stopped reading, and alas, my soul was soothed. Well, as I said, must disregard things that are unfounded. I need to read your post, though! XOXO-Kasey

  3. Dating Web sites, ugh. I go in and outta them every once in awhile. I browse the selections, see too many creeps, and end up closing shop within a week. Good for you that you’ve met a few decent ones and one recently also. Admire ya, keep trekkin’, cuz yup, it’s not for the faint of heart (like impatient me).

    • Yes, I actually kind of do the same thing. I see a few nice faces, read a few nice profiles and get hopeful. Then, the weirdos come out full-throttle, and I climb back in my safe whole. However, I think that’s one of the things that I do like about “dating” on-line-the choice to go forward or not without having to do a blind date. Dating, in general, is scary! Thanks for reading and commenting!! XOXO-Kasey

  4. I really want to read that book. It sounds like a great read. Hang in there on the online dating scene. I have a friend who found her husband online and he is pretty darned awesome. There are some good ones out there.

    • It is! It’s a comforting story, too. Yes, I know folks, also, who have found their beloveds on line, and just like meeting someone in person by chance, the crap shoot is the same. If it’s meant to be, it will be, right?? 🙂 Thanks for sharing! -Kasey

  5. I’ve had some friends find their soulmates online, but I continue to recall my first couple of experiences back in the late 90s–in college–and shudder. Like you, the ONE THING was not my motivation, and like you, I found online daters would pursue it no matter how clear I was . . . and those were the less scary ones. The scary ones . . . well, I’m glad they’re some time behind me. I wish you the best finding a partner your loving, uplifting, joyous equal, and even some fun on the journey! xo

  6. This is so sweet and honest, Kasey. Thank you for sharing your heart with us here. I think it’s the hardest to ask for something positive in our own lives, isn’t it? It feels selfish somehow, even though it’s not. It’s a bit like a giant, spiritual trust-test!

    • Yes, you are so right. I was just commenting on another blog’s post about feeling guilty for using strollers, or strapping her kid in a high chair for safety. The writer said she felt guilty because she wasn’t just doing it for safety, but so that she could concentrate on shopping, or eating, or…to think we feel guilty over such things! But, this includes finding love…as if it is not okay to want such a thing even though others have it. Thanks for reading, and glad you are back!! XOXO

  7. Thanks for this honest (and funny) post. I read somewhere that online dating gives people in a “kid in a candy store” mentality, where they feel they have unlimited options so they don’t have to take any one too seriously. On the other hand, one of my good friends met her husband online, and they now have two kids. So you never know! My husband and daughter just went to see Heaven Is for Real. I like the idea of praying like a child, but I find I feel ungrateful when I ask for things for myself…even though the things I ask for usually involve other people, who are sick or in need. Maybe I will try the praying like a child thing too! You’ve inspired me! — Meredith

    • Thanks for reading and commenting, Meredith! On line dating is overwhelming, but so is looking out into the streets at all kinds of different people. 🙂 Those of us who are still waiting for “the one” do not know where he will come from…on line, off line, our out of line, lol. I want to see the movie, too. It will be neat to see how they portray the family and images from the book. Jesus always presses the issue of being childlike. Children have unlimited faith because they haven’t experienced the ups and downs and disappointments of life yet. If we find a way to tap into that mentality, I think we find more joy and less stress along the way, thus making prayer easier. I’m trying! XOXO

  8. ugh I feel ya! I’ve tried online dating and I just don’t think its for me. It’s so discouraging. Navigating the dating world as a single mother is just not easy

  9. After a few months of breaking up with my 2-year boyfriend, I missed the simple things he would do ie, call/check on me, compliments etc. Due to desperation, I made myself an account on an online dating website. With the fear of being ‘exposed’, I changed my identity. Here’s why some people can never trust online dating profiles :/
    After going through some guys which just wanted the ONE thing, I decided this is not for me.

    Yes, desperation was at its peak then and this itself is 1.5 year ago. Still rolling single and strong! I am never gonna create an online dating website again. But again, never say never! 😉

    • I think, even in today’s world, being single and being okay as a single person, especially the older we get, has a stigma. Thus, we jump through these hoops thinking we are supposed to find THE ONE, and that finding that person will make us whole. We are already whole if we love ourselves and seek happiness not in things or people but from within. Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m with you! No more online love searching! Ha, ha….-Kasey

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