So, yesterday, at the END of my work day, right before I had to leave to begin my OTHER job at the barn, I was checking out Yahoo and saw this ad to try the “Real Age Test”. Have you heard of it? Yep, it’s by the famous Dr. Oz, whose name I totally love, even though I think gimmicky doctors are, well….gimmicky. But, I fell for the offer, and it was free, and I made sure to decline every other offer offered that would not have been free or linked me to a million different email offers offering not-free free things.
The point of the “Real Age Test” is to tell you….can you guess? Yes. Your REAL AGE. No, not your birthday, silly, but the age you would be physically based on many different traits such as eating habits, exercise, work habits, stress levels, family history, etc, etc, etc. (www.sharecare.com)
Here are a few areas I found tricky:
1. Eating habits: it asked questions based upon agreement like, “Would you say you eat 5-10 servings of pomegranate seeds and chia seeds per day, per week, per decade?” STRONGLY AGREE, SLIGHTLY AGREE, NEUTRAL (how is this in any way agreeing or not?), SLIGHTLY DISAGREE, DISAGREE, STRONGLY DISAGREE. Since I measure servings by how much my stomach is growling or by what’s left over on my kid’s plate at the end of a meal, I had a REALLY hard time answering with any type of agreement, even neutrally speaking.
2. Exercise: “How many hours of aerobic activity do you engage in during a 24-hour period?” Honestly, can they please ask instead, “How many stalls do you muck and buckets of horse cr-p do you dump within 3 hours?” This I can answer: 16.
3. Gauging my stress level also seemed difficult with questions such as, “Have you had more than 25 nervous breakdowns within the last 10 minutes?” No. “Do you bite your nails weekly instead of using clippers?” No. “CONGRATULATIONS, you are managing your stress very well!” Even though my gray hairs have multiplied by the trillions since becoming a single parent 7 years ago? Geez Louise, I’m pattin’ myself on the back RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT for being so chill. Yay me!
Then there was one simple straightforward question: “How often do you have sex?” Well, let’s be blatant, why don’t we? Just come right out and ask; I sure don’t care about the elephant in the room. Nope. Not me!
After all of the inquiring was done, the summation of my answers suggested the following:
My real age: 38.9 Wowzers-didn’t even hit 39. Cool.
Areas to improve upon: Food and Sex. I need to eat less processed foods, and I guess I’m supposed to do that before my daughter is actually grown and out of the house. Darn it. And, I need to have more sex because THIS will help my stress levels (even though I thought I was managing so well), which is an interesting suggestion considering I’m single and find dating to cause more stress than I can handle, which then causes me to eat unhealthy foods, which is why I stopped dating, and consequently why I don’t have sex-well, among other reasons to be left for another post in another place and time.
Thanks, but “no thanks”, Dr. Oz! I’m sticking with my Mac ‘n’ Cheese and boring Friday night re-runs of HGTV House Hunters and enjoying my neutrality.
For giggles please share what your “Real Age” is if you decide to take the test. If nothing else, you will CERTAINLY get a good ol’ chuckle out of it. After all, life is short, Readers (although perhaps a little bit longer based on my “Real Age” of 38.9), so be happy no matter how many doughnuts you had for breakfast or how little the whoop-de-do!