For me and for her

It is a fact that hurtful words and actions can have a lasting impact on a person just as much, if not more so, than empowering words and behavior.  If this weren’t the case, I don’t think the campaign against bullying would be at the forefront of media attention and such a focus across school campuses today.

Honestly, my gut (and not a 10-year study) tells me that very few of us grew up evading even small amounts of persecution in some form or another, sneaking through high school hallways without mean looks or derogatory comments.  A greater majority of us dealt with a lot of negativity, even abuse, when truths be told.

And, as women, we grew up under additional pressures, if I may be so bold as to say, that included fitting within certain molds for body, hair, and face type, style, behavior, career paths, and more.  We learned to scrutinize over fitting in and becoming what was expected from our families, our friends, society, and certainly, the opposite sex.

When I decided to divorce, I explained to my ex how un-attractive I felt, and I questioned him as to why he never seemed to want to be with me any more (physically).  His response I have never forgotten, and I think, moreover, I have never quite gotten past to a degree: “Maybe if you hadn’t cut your hair.”

Yep.  That simple (not).  Cutting my hair made me unattractive to my spouse. Cutting my hair because I had a baby in tow that awakened numerous times in the night day after day, and I was too tired to deal with fashion faux-paux’s, lessened his libido. His baby, too, mind you! Ya, well, I know that it wasn’t my hair that was the problem.  But, nonetheless, the comment has stuck with me for over seven years.

Until now.  No more sticking.  Little by little these negative pieces are being tossed and replaced by new positive pieces. With my daughter’s telescope in full view of my choices, I’ve made many changes in how I do things since that conversation.  And a couple of days ago, I added one more change…

I’m here to tell you today, that I WANT MY HAIR CUT OFF!
Hello, Happy Me!

With every step I take, or every haircut I get, I do so knowing that my own empowerment gives power to my daughter.

There are NO MOLDS to fill that aren’t meant to be broken.  Make the positive overshadow the negative, and a whole world of possibility stands ready.

Life is short, so lop of any unwanted locks, break the mold, and while you’re sweeping away the pieces, give a chuckle!




Author: singleworkingmomswm

I love to write, and I love raising my daughter. The two combined have prompted me to create a blog about being a single working mom. Life's a trip, and I tend to take the windy roads.

6 thoughts on “For me and for her”

  1. You are absolutely beautiful, love the short hair. Isn’t it funny how we define ourselves? How we are hurt, injured by those who are supposed to love us, by words that stick to us like velcro with superglue.

    I should write some day about the great hair debate in my own marriage and how I was finally freed.

    I love this, you inspire me.

    1. I would love to read about your hair debate! I’ve had short hair (really short hair), this cut included, three times now. The first time I was in high school, just a Freshman, and a movie I watched and fell in love with called Some Kind of Wonderful had a character, tom boyish type, who inspired me to go for it and cut all my hair off. Being a Freshman, you can imagine the scrutiny I was given, and considering how shy I was back then, it was really awful to endure. The second time was the one mentioned here that for some reason had such an impact on my self image, moreso than the high school experience. Now, I’m free-truly free! Your constant support inspires me always. I cannot wait to meet you some day! XOXOXO

  2. And you look great in your new hair cut! Young and awesome! It is wearying on a woman to try to live up to what men think we should look like (and notice that THEY don’t look so fantastic!). My personal rebellion now is the ’embrace the gray’ hair. It’s time. I decided to do it before I got too much gray so that it would not be such a shock to me or others.

  3. Your hair looks so great! I have always loved short hair. my friend at work and i always notice a gal with a great short cut! Mine was naturally salt and pepper and then I decided to dye it. Darn it! Why did I do that? Now I am in the process of highlighting it so I can get to a point of letting it be all natural again (probably all gray! Ha!) Anyway, I have always been fortunate that my husband has always liked short hair, too! But either way, we need to do what we think we want, and you know what, if it doesn’t look as great as we thought, it will grow back! Good for you!

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