It is a fact that hurtful words and actions can have a lasting impact on a person just as much, if not more so, than empowering words and behavior. If this weren’t the case, I don’t think the campaign against bullying would be at the forefront of media attention and such a focus across school campuses today.
Honestly, my gut (and not a 10-year study) tells me that very few of us grew up evading even small amounts of persecution in some form or another, sneaking through high school hallways without mean looks or derogatory comments. A greater majority of us dealt with a lot of negativity, even abuse, when truths be told.
And, as women, we grew up under additional pressures, if I may be so bold as to say, that included fitting within certain molds for body, hair, and face type, style, behavior, career paths, and more. We learned to scrutinize over fitting in and becoming what was expected from our families, our friends, society, and certainly, the opposite sex.
When I decided to divorce, I explained to my ex how un-attractive I felt, and I questioned him as to why he never seemed to want to be with me any more (physically). His response I have never forgotten, and I think, moreover, I have never quite gotten past to a degree: “Maybe if you hadn’t cut your hair.”
Yep. That simple (not). Cutting my hair made me unattractive to my spouse. Cutting my hair because I had a baby in tow that awakened numerous times in the night day after day, and I was too tired to deal with fashion faux-paux’s, lessened his libido. His baby, too, mind you! Ya, well, I know that it wasn’t my hair that was the problem. But, nonetheless, the comment has stuck with me for over seven years.
Until now. No more sticking. Little by little these negative pieces are being tossed and replaced by new positive pieces. With my daughter’s telescope in full view of my choices, I’ve made many changes in how I do things since that conversation. And a couple of days ago, I added one more change…
With every step I take, or every haircut I get, I do so knowing that my own empowerment gives power to my daughter.
There are NO MOLDS to fill that aren’t meant to be broken. Make the positive overshadow the negative, and a whole world of possibility stands ready.
Life is short, so lop of any unwanted locks, break the mold, and while you’re sweeping away the pieces, give a chuckle!