Getting honest about being single

On a trail ride with my friend (I’m in the rear). Freedom!

I’m coming up on a year since I made the decision to cut out dating from my life.  The resolution came after disappointment upon disappointment and the impending feeling that what I was hoping to find just may not exist-for me.  I know it exists “in general”, but perhaps it is not in my particular 52-card deck to find.

I had taken “breaks” from dating before….so what was going to be different about this time?

I accepted my fate.  I was tired, truly tired, of hoping, looking, and wondering.

I let go.

And, I meant it.

What happened afterwards has become the year of change for me.  Not bulldozing, gonna be no matter what I want kind of change, but directly intentional, freeing change.

I became able to focus more of my energy on me, my behavior, my goals, my dreams, and how all of that plays into raising up a strong, independent young girl, my daughter.  In doing so I’ve had moments of implicit euphoria.  Feelings of, “Oh, my gosh, so THIS is what happiness, honest to goodness, deep down from the bottom of my tummy happiness feels like!”

I had forgotten.  I had really forgotten the purity of joy that comes from being free.  I felt it when I moved away from home, I felt it when I got sober, I felt it the day my daughter was born, and I feel it now.

Choosing to eliminate this sore spot from my life opened up new doors.  No longer did I need to save a part of myself for someone who didn’t exist, someone who didn’t care, someone who didn’t love or even like me for me.

I embraced my bed covers!  I embraced snuggling up with my dog!  I embraced going to bed early and not feeling “guilty” if I was too tired for anything else!  I embraced not having to finagle a sitter for Maycee just so I could have some “alone time” with Mr. Wrong!  I embraced the simplicity of only answering to myself!  I embraced knowing that I could handle everything on my own-I had been for years-why did I think a partner would make any of this better?!

And, this year, I took on working harder than ever BECAUSE I could….because I had the time….and I acquired not one, but TWO, horses. ME-on a single mom’s budget.  I changed career paths and seized the opportunity to grow and learn.  I focused every extra moment on the stability of my child’s lifepath, and she’s soaring into the blue sky amongst the clouds today. I worked down my debt and have been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Breathe….breathe.

Most of all, however, I realized my own self-worth.  How low had I set my price tag towards the end of my dating career….and for what? For whom?  Why?  Short hair, long hair, blue jeans, make-up, no make-up, dirt under the nails, or painted pretty-we are ALL beautiful and deserving of respect.  We have value.  I have value.

And, now, I am me.  I am free.  I am at peace.  And, with all of that….if I’m truly honest, which I am, I do still hope to find a romantic love one day.  A hand-holder, a gentle soul, funny, down to earth, genuine.  But, maybe I better re-phrase that…I hope he finds me because I will no longer be searching.

I will know when he does.  I will know it’s right.  I will feel calm, relaxed, and undoubtedly certain.  There will be no need to compromise.  He will be the one.

In the meanwhile, this current deck of cards is dealing a full house, and I’m really blown away with the hand!

Blessings abundant, and gratitude swells.

Readers, if you are currently in the dating conundrum, I suggest letting it go.  I suggest loving yourself and finding freedom in just being you. Explore, believe in yourself, take advantage of new opportunities. Being single is quite different from being alone.

Life is short…let your wings take you high!

April 2011 014

XOXO,

Kasey

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22 responses

  1. Love this–great wisdom, strength and joy oozing out of you! Now you know what will happen, don’t you? Everyone else will see your inner contentment and you will draw people like flies… well, maybe that’s not the best word picture, but at any rate, this is all good. Glad you have come to love, appreciate, and celebrate your life. It’s fun to do things you like and follow your own path rather than always trying to please or impress someone else. May many happy and blessed days come to you and your daughter.

    • Thank you so much! You are right! Just a couple of weekends ago one of my neighbors saw me outside and commented on how “un-stressed” I seemed these days. A true testament to slimming down my life to what I need and what fills my cup. 🙂 XO-Kasey

  2. Woo woo I feel the same way. Learning to have some love for yourself is the best thing you can ever learn. Because ultimately what we all need is love for yourself. I stopped thinking that someone else could make me happy and that helped me realize I can make me happy. Noone else can complete you as much as you do.

    • Truth. My mom used to tell me “You can be your own best friend.” when I was struggling with having friendships in my youth. Back then I blew off those words as just trying to make me feel better. Now I know how much validity they carry. Thanks for reading and commenting! XOXO-Kasey

      • Yea its crazy how growing up can help you make sense of things you didn’t understand when you were younger. “Youll get it when you’re older” really holds true.

    • You are so welcome! This is a lesson long-time coming for me….I began dating at 15 years old, and had many long-term relationships over the years, including marriages, that were never solid. It’s a huge relief to not “need” the validation of being in a relationship to make me feel whole any more. I hope the same for you! Thanks for reading and commenting! XOXO-Kasey

  3. What an encouraging post. I couldn’t help but smile as I read your words. You have breathed life into my heart and soul today. Thank you!

  4. Oooh, I love this, Kasey! I’m a single mom of six and dated for two years before taking a three year break just like you are, and for the exact same reasons. And you know what? The most perfect, wonderful man came into my life and we are together now the past two years. It does happen. And I believe that it did happen because I learned to be ME first. Something I had never done before. 🙂 Good job, and good luck, you are well on your way to wonderful, too. 🙂

  5. I am sooooo far behind on my blog reading! This is amazing!! Not only well-written but also a beautiful journey. When I met Mike I wasn’t looking. I was tossing around dating again but hadn’t committed and then, BOOM! there he was. God will send the right man your way when you’re both the right person for each other. 🙂

    • Thanks, Holly. I am way overdue to write a blog post. Have been sooooo busy working and keeping up with Maycee’s 4-H schedule. But, now, summer is here, and we have a bit of a reprieve for a couple of months. Time to get my write on! 😉

      • Woo hoo!! I’m trying to reconnect with my blogging community. I’ve been out of touch for so long so I look forward to your writing. 🙂

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