All I want for Christmas…

I’m going to admit something here….something I don’t really want to admit….something I wish I didn’t feel….and, sometimes don’t when I’m too busy to think about it…which is most of the time.  But, with Maycee going to her dad’s for Christmas this year (his turn), and me spending it alone visiting family, unfortunately the “feelings” have been lingering more often.  So, here it is. The Great SWM Confessional.  Sister Mary plug your ears and cross your heart.

I said Sister Mary, not you, Louisy!

I said Sister Mary, not you, Louisy!

I wish a really nice guy would fall in love with me, and STAY in love with me. This is the important part: STAY.  Not fall in love and gush and be over-the-top with it, telling me I’m the best thing since TV remotes and Fritos and then disappear into the football-laden television screen background only to remain friends on Facebook.  Stick.  Around. For good.  A wonderful human being who would give anything to adopt a single mom and her daughter. To make a family and build something.

Because, who couldn't love this?

Because, who couldn’t love this?

Like the one we saw at the Christmas tree farm a couple of weeks ago laughing together, the hubby saying, “You want me to get that, babe?”  And, the woman replying, “Oh, sure, sweetie. That’d be great if you could take the girls to the teeter-totter”.  I smiled on the outside, but part of me wanted to barf on the inside, the other part of me wanted to cry, and the last little bit of me said, “Huh, you don’t need that.  You’re fine on your own.  Hmph! ”   Total denial.

Kasey, SWM, loves roasting marshmallows...alone.

Kasey, SWM, loves roasting marshmallows…alone.

Maycee and I both watched this family….and I know she was feeling exactly the same as I was (not the barfing part)…how could she not?  But, then, in true SWM fashion, I quickly said, “Let’s go see if they’ll help you teeter-totter, also!” Since I couldn’t do it with her, myself, lest she be flung off the end as soon as she hit the air.   And, instead of BEING part of a family….I used a family.  It worked, they were all fabulous, adorned in their Abercrombie and Fitchness, and Maycee had a great time going up and down–their daughters on one side, and mine on the other.

Don't you want to help us teeter totter?

Don’t you want to help us teeter totter?

There, I said it. It’s done.  Ugh…it was tough, darnit! I’m SWM!  I’m fine doing everything alone! Fine, fine, fine!!!!!!! Right?

Fine. Fine. Fine. Peace out.

Fine. Fine. Fine. Peace out.

Maycee asked me what I was going to ask Santa Claus for for Christmas.  She said, “You should ask him for a dishwasher.  You really need a dishwasher!”  Such a true statement, and very practical.

The best way to start the weekend!

It’d be nice to put the morning pancake plates in a dishwasher. Yes, it would.

And, I said, “I think I’m going to ask him for a super rich man.”  Although, honestly, I don’t care a pebble’s throw about riches or large sums of money…but if I’m going to ask Santa, I can stipulate, right? Then, I changed my mind thinking about what a truly rich man might be like, or expect, or what he might miss that I need (like humility), and I decided to ask Santa for $20,000 AND a warm, loving man to show up under the tree.  That would cover the dishwasher and every other “fix-it” problem I have at home, and leave room for a terrificly super duper guy, regardless of the dollar signs.  Of course, we laughed at the sentiment, and Maycee said she pictured a guy with a cape under our tree that said, “Super Rich”.  Like, wow, Rich is so super; he’s a terrific dude!

No, this isn't Super Rich, it's my bro, Michael. But, he is awesome.

No, this isn’t Super Rich, it’s my bro, Michael. But, he is awesome.

Hmmmm, I’d be happy with that.

We haven’t see Santa Claus yet, so I still have time to modify my gift requests. Maybe I will just go for the dishwasher.  I do need one.  Mine is rusted and falling apart….not to mention it doesn’t work, but then again, my hands do.   I’m so behind on everything that we’ll probably do a drive by, jump on Santa’s lap, ask for our hearts’ desires, grab our free candy canes, and say, “Ho, ho, ho….have to go!  Thanks a million, Saint Nick!”

I love Santa!

I love Santa!

So, there you have it, Readers.  My dirty little secret revealed to the blogosphere.  I will say that I have stuck to my New Year’s Resolution of 2013, and I haven’t settled for second string.  This is good news…the rest…well, only more will be revealed when it’s time, and all I can say is, “Come on…hurry up!” (Wink, wink, chuckle, chuckle.)

There's a reason this is on my wall.

There’s a reason this is on my wall.

‘Tis the season, so put on your elf shoes, do a jig, and purge your soul a little–like me.  Christmas is coming, ready or not!

We're totally jolly!  After all, it's almost Christmas!

We’re totally jolly! After all, it’s almost Christmas!

XOXO,

SWM

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Sometimes today is the day (ponytails, pics, and giving)

I just did something that I don’t do very often…I donated to a cause.  It’s not that I don’t believe in “causes”, quite the opposite.  It’s just that as I try to ensure there is food on the table and clothes on our backs I don’t feel as though I have the extra resources to contribute outside of my inner circle.  I choose where I give carefully when I have the ability to do so. 

But, this morning I was getting ready for work and decided to put my hair into a ponytail, which is also something I don’t do very often.  Maycee walked into the bathroom and asked, “Are you going to work like that?”  I said, “Yah, why?” She got all welled up with excitement, smiling brightly and exclaimed, “I like it!  I like it!  I’ve been wanting you to go to work like that since I was in Kindergarten!”  I said, “Oh, well, good.  I’m doing it today then!”

Next up was putting on mascara.  Now, Readers, I wear so little make-up that I can barely be called “made up”, if you know what I mean, but I do like my lashes lookin’ a bit longer and my cheeks to be pink (as I was taught by Mom that it makes us at least “look” healthy).  Maycee watched intently after brushing her teeth and said this: Now why do you feel you need to do that?! I don’t see why you feel you need to wear make-up.  I answered, “Well, because Mommy’s eyelashes are not long and beautiful naturally like yours are, Sweetie, nor are my cheeks as rosy.”  Maycee retorted, “Well, I think you are beautiful just the way you are!” Just writing this puts a lump in my throat and brings tears to my eyes.

Being on my lunch break at work and catching up on my blog reading, I couldn’t wait to read Chris’s (…from the bungalow) post from yesterday Blissfully Bald: Why my wife and I decided to shave our headsAs I read and followed the links something inside me said, “You have a vibrant, healthy daughter whom you love to pieces, and who loves you unconditionally.  This is such a gift in and of itself. Kasey, show your gratitude today by paying it forward.”  I connected to Chris’s blog, and I connected for many reasons…this is revealing itself as one of them. 

I have been intending to post pictures from Maycee’s wonderful birthday week for many days now, and I believe it is no coincidence that I finally was able to publish them today (thanks for helping me last night, my awesome b.f.) Children are the light of the world, Maycee is the light of my life.  Her words precious, her spirit infectious, her insight incomparable.  Please visit Chris’s post via the link above, and may your heart be touched and moved just as mine.  Maycee’s 8th birthday was so much fun, and I’m grateful I can look forward to next year’s. I love the phrase Life is a gift, that’s why we call it the present.

52 cookies for the Boys & Girls Club

Happy Birthday Girl, Happy Mommy!

Louisy, gettin' in on the birthday fun

Ready for the party, Mom!

Horses riding in the breeze made for a beautiful birthday card

And...make a wish!

 Readers, may you count your blessings today, have a wonderful weekend, and remember: life is short, be happy, and give a chuckle.